And Then

Its when u hit rock bottom

Its when u do wht u know is a dont

Its when the urge puts you to shame

Its when everything on the surface seems sane

Its when no time is a bane

Its when the time left u don't have

Its when hope plays a crafty game

Its when u don't listen to heart or brain

Its when the pulse goes shot

Its when fear forms a knot

Its when u take the dreaded step

Its when careful musings cost a mishap

Its when you lose control

Its when u still havent given it up at all

Its when the rage brings out

Its when it still is suppressed no doubt

Its when you just don't care

Its when you don't know whether to dare

Its when the moment passes

Its when all that strikes is what if's

Its when everything is a blessing

Its when thats the truth starts undressing

Its when the doubts creep up again

Its when u wish it would all end

Its when life takes the expected bend

Its when u push too hard

Its when that push is yet laggard

Its then u say FINE

Its then u say I'll give up or find MINE

Its then the crossroads come on u BLIND

Its then the shivers go up your SPINE

Its then ....Its then....

Awakening

Its jus a feeling but if I hold onto it maybe it will work! Jus have to beat myself at not leavin it halfway. build on it till it becomes bigger than me and that day will I smile in joy and happiness cos dat day I will have proven 2 maself, Dat day will I have won truly cos it is urself that is the biggest competitor, ur biggest obstacle and when u win over urself is da day u must rejoice cos everyone else is an illusion to distract u from the real victory! It will happen no matter what ,n a small battle won is dat ma dreams are BACK again, i feel maself out of ma slumber, out of hibernation, likeim on theverge of sumin n before it dies out i grab it n unlock ma passion again! For thisit is not me alone who did it, it ws life, it was the good and the bad but it also was two of themost amazing friends who were there at the right moment because they're always there ifineed to reach out, both of whom in two days made me realize in their own ways, i wont say more for fear of jinxing it!

I pray and fortify and dream and believe tht I will find it , i will be it, and I will never say I wish at ma last breath!

REGRET

There was a girl who always thought it's simple...black or white....blue or pink....she believed that whteva decisions she took were fine cos they were hers....neva 2 regret them...N one day she looked back and felt the stirrings of regret comin ova...she wondered how life would have been...Many were wrong but they taught her sumin...then one day she put her faith in sumthing in sum1 and took a decision...to speak up...after a long and patient wait ...for the appropriate time....cos she believed that it wudn harm her it wud simply be black or white but life wud be the way it is....N she was WRONG! It changed slowly... but it did ...n she started losing hr friend....the friend she thought who wud always be der...da frnd she thought wud unnerstand..da frnd she thought who knew her...but alas her actions were misconstrued....her attempts to salvage da frndship soo precious spurned...N she REGRETTED! Only if she wud have not believed soo strongly...only if she wud have kept her secret safe...She would still hav datfrndship...If only she cud unwind time...if only she cud set things right...dat one can go da extra mile for a friend....dat one can get hurt knoein dey don mean da same nemore to their friend..dat this time da tears did fall...cos this NO stabbed more than any other...

Wish with a hope dat da fnship does bloom again....dat there is no being treated as da plague..........

Longing

A lot of unsaid words I wish I could say....But I kno der is no reason cos things will go worse or yet stay dis way.....My dilemma is such dat its eating my heart away..... An uneasiness which I too can;t understand...i thought I was past it it.... But it doesn't seem so...An ache thudding dull in my heart...Holding onto an illusion despite knowing it was jus dat....Wishing by da stars and the moon... Knowing u can't return wht i give i still give.... I still hope... Knowing wht was had has also been compromised... Tht hurts da most..... I asked da questions.... Albeit not in da perfect situation.... I am still waiting for the answers....

................Longing............

Stabbed....

This one after long and unfortunately filled with a lot of anger and indignation....yeah I am stabbed by a friend....we had numerous misunderstandings and fights.....I abused her when drunk.....cried becuase i misunderstood her.....and thought its ok cos our friendship finally was resolved.....but woe begone it was never meant 2 be dat way..... She did somethin dat made a public joke outta me....to cheer up every1 but what about me!!!! She said things which cant be mentioned here which skewered ma heart .... I asked a simple question n she thought I cursed her...lol(ironically)....Damn u woman...I wish I had da heart 2 curse u...But ya u stabbed me in da back...N dis time when I'm drunk I'll jus have no words 4 u.....Cos dis time when I'm drunk I'll jus say I have nothing 2 say.....Cos dis time when ppl talk about u ....I'll keep silent....Cos dis time ma frnd....U disrespected ma tears.....

I art the fool to think treasures can be found in friends...