shattered

Another illusion shattered, its nothin new 4 me , happens all da time, yet it seems da hurt doesnt lessen, da pain still pricks like a thousand shards of glass, when u spend days believing it n den realize u were jus livin in a world o ur own....n da cycle repeats itself everywhere....i wonder if all ma life m gonna be stuck in dis web of deceptions n whirl about lifting maself from the tide to fall right back in...is it dat i can't diffrentiate between reality or am i so blisfully ignorant or dat i am so naive...either ways i think expecting lyf to be sweet is da bigget mistake i mke n shud no itz jus an illusion..wel da pt is as usual when i'm hurt i either spell it out loud n clear or jus shut up and sink it all in..n neva say a word or show nethin but da hurt keeps on diggin in n plantin its roots stronger...maybe m too sensitive at times n jus plain stupid at times to not realize when i shud take offense..neways as usual things jus pile up n neva come out...m literally beggin 4 a single tear to fall....i mean i will abuse n explode at stupid thingz but when it matters i wil neva say much..maybe cos its only dose who are dat close can cause dat kinda hurt n i guess i expect they will kno dey did dat or jus neva say it but it will broil ova n ova in ma mind n den i stop trustin i put up a facade of normalcy but maybe dats not enuf....