Chaos...da other side of me.

Dis is da third draft now n dis time i betta post it...
a mix of emotions..a sleepless night full of disturbances...nora roberts doin her magic on me...the need to escape...to go away for sum time...a hundred or more thoughts clashin about..da blind eye i try to turn to things...da frustration screamin out from every pore...da confusions of the heart n all...people old n new lukin as though i've lost ma mind...unable to place maself in ma own eyes...dat feelin where i wanna belong so much dat it hurts but kno jus at da very sight of seein dat happen i run to da hills...dis all consuming fear n rage at everythin..these doubts...these bouts of highs n lows...da misundrstandings...da need..da want.. da not knowing...wanting to jus scream n sceam until m heavin everythin out n away...to find peace within...to be able to understand who wht why...to trust..to live...to feel...to care..to to kno why i don't give a damn n yet give a whole fuckin damn...to hurl abuses to destroy...to create...to paint a picture of a new life...to not wait for time to get past..to stop runnin from maself..frm dat silence..to kno y its bin a year since i hav cut off n barely come bac...da so manywant to's but no idea where to go ...routine or not dis is not wht i want...wht i want seems right there but is it a mirage in da desert of ma life or is it finaly i've reached da oasis...or is it jus mere illusions n trickery of ma mind...till this is resolved will face all da blames anger abuses n everythin damn thing tht comes my way cos i've had enuf n now all i wanna do is rebel bu even here i kn i will excercise my caution..so ya i don't carenn i don' give a damn cos now m ma own destiny...n f u wana stay then gud else u can go take a trip to hell's deepest pits...all n sundry now it's jus this dat is me..dumb or smart..responsible or not..i jus wanna say

TAKE ME AS I AM...