A stream of words form random thoughts which cause a sea of conflict in my mind as I wonder how I can talk so sanely when I have to tell friends tat studies are most important and we should jus put everything away but in reality have da greatest difficulty following it...how come words of wisdom fall so easily but despite knowing it can't really follow them....why these painful stabs of longing....mood swings so bad that I wonder if a lunatic asylum is da place to be....why I suppress my true feelings so much that even close friends are shocked when i simply state da truth ...

y can't i have dat flawless skin back... is da sparkle out of my eyes gone....left behind da dead skin without any glow...is it really true tat love makes one beautiful...can i kill dat beautician who messed up da clean up...can i jus have a single perfect day...y are da monsoons so far away..y do i have so many y's???

Where is dat someone....rather who is dat someone....y is da wait so long? It's not that important but yet these thoughts consume me in their entirety...make me feel like i am waiting for someone to come and fill in the spaces and the hollowness...da kind where u live in a bubble where superficially you are happy you are sad you are excited and go through all da emotions but in reality there is just a vaccuum and the only occasional visitors there are sadness and loneliness...

And momentary elevation of feelings when they fall are deeper than the deepest pits of hell....

Expectations as usual were my downfall ...

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broken hearts, broken mind, broken spirit......