shattered

Another illusion shattered, its nothin new 4 me , happens all da time, yet it seems da hurt doesnt lessen, da pain still pricks like a thousand shards of glass, when u spend days believing it n den realize u were jus livin in a world o ur own....n da cycle repeats itself everywhere....i wonder if all ma life m gonna be stuck in dis web of deceptions n whirl about lifting maself from the tide to fall right back in...is it dat i can't diffrentiate between reality or am i so blisfully ignorant or dat i am so naive...either ways i think expecting lyf to be sweet is da bigget mistake i mke n shud no itz jus an illusion..wel da pt is as usual when i'm hurt i either spell it out loud n clear or jus shut up and sink it all in..n neva say a word or show nethin but da hurt keeps on diggin in n plantin its roots stronger...maybe m too sensitive at times n jus plain stupid at times to not realize when i shud take offense..neways as usual things jus pile up n neva come out...m literally beggin 4 a single tear to fall....i mean i will abuse n explode at stupid thingz but when it matters i wil neva say much..maybe cos its only dose who are dat close can cause dat kinda hurt n i guess i expect they will kno dey did dat or jus neva say it but it will broil ova n ova in ma mind n den i stop trustin i put up a facade of normalcy but maybe dats not enuf....

Bewafaa...

Well wrote dis while practicing 4 acc proj...we were gonna do sumthin on da lines of da big fight n was harrowed n tired at da end o da day n bogged down when inspiration struck me....

Kya kahoon, kya karoon

Jab kabhi sochti hoon,

Dil main darr sa lagta hain,

Ke ye bewafaa baawra sa mann mera

Kahin na kahin chahta hain tujhe,

Magar majboori meri ki tere siva

Koi aur bhi dil mein basa hai mere

Dunno y but dese words came 2 ma mind..

Swinging...n beyond

Goin thru a gamut of emotions...a typical day involves like a hundred mood swings...n all extremes...wonder y cos am not da ony one.

Was talkin 2 a friend who said....Sal what's wrong wid u? U used 2 babble so much now y do u go so quiet?...Well I said maybe cos I neva showed ma silent side b4 n he was like u betta off talkin..n all I could say was Go to hell...was 'snarling' as he put it at him after that...well maybe I guess ppl truly don't understand that silence is a gift I give to those who matter......

I can feel this anger and frustration building up in me and I know not y those feelings are there cos I kno they shudn't...there is dat lost person....wonder y but da song lips of an angel always pull at me n so does unfaithful...is it a paradox of sorts 2 ma beliefs that draws me 2 it....is it dat love in bein unfaithful shines thru...da grim fact is it always pulls at me...
M losin ma patience with a certain thing n ma long lost cuz came outta da blue n kinda calmed me down...wonder if it was a cosmic connection or wat...dat he met me online dat very day...absurdly we were spillin our life stories 2 each oder n we neva did tht really as kids...

Heard dis amazin song Into Dust...4 da 1st time loved a song I heard ova daphone...in fact so much that gotinspired 2 write these....

They walked hand in hand,
Stealing glances at each other.
A blush colouring her cheeks,
As her eyelid fluttered,
Her heart beat skipping a slight beat,
Magic in the air,
The sizzle and chemistry all but crackling,
The midnight bayou casting a golden glow on them,
They walked hand in hand,
Stealing glances at each other.

Well da second time I heard it these came to ma mind

The strings of my heart sing this for you,
As I walk with you on this journey.
My soul it is I give to you,
As we live in this story.