Chaos...da other side of me.

Dis is da third draft now n dis time i betta post it...
a mix of emotions..a sleepless night full of disturbances...nora roberts doin her magic on me...the need to escape...to go away for sum time...a hundred or more thoughts clashin about..da blind eye i try to turn to things...da frustration screamin out from every pore...da confusions of the heart n all...people old n new lukin as though i've lost ma mind...unable to place maself in ma own eyes...dat feelin where i wanna belong so much dat it hurts but kno jus at da very sight of seein dat happen i run to da hills...dis all consuming fear n rage at everythin..these doubts...these bouts of highs n lows...da misundrstandings...da need..da want.. da not knowing...wanting to jus scream n sceam until m heavin everythin out n away...to find peace within...to be able to understand who wht why...to trust..to live...to feel...to care..to to kno why i don't give a damn n yet give a whole fuckin damn...to hurl abuses to destroy...to create...to paint a picture of a new life...to not wait for time to get past..to stop runnin from maself..frm dat silence..to kno y its bin a year since i hav cut off n barely come bac...da so manywant to's but no idea where to go ...routine or not dis is not wht i want...wht i want seems right there but is it a mirage in da desert of ma life or is it finaly i've reached da oasis...or is it jus mere illusions n trickery of ma mind...till this is resolved will face all da blames anger abuses n everythin damn thing tht comes my way cos i've had enuf n now all i wanna do is rebel bu even here i kn i will excercise my caution..so ya i don't carenn i don' give a damn cos now m ma own destiny...n f u wana stay then gud else u can go take a trip to hell's deepest pits...all n sundry now it's jus this dat is me..dumb or smart..responsible or not..i jus wanna say

TAKE ME AS I AM...

ramblings--jus da start of many to come

I wondered n wondered what should i write about...several times in da past fortnight i felt like cumin here but sumthin stopped me.
We got da consolation prize in a convention for our b-plan as da most novel idea...yipee!!!
M gonna take part in talaash yipeee again....finally will dance on stage(phew)
Da good news end there....n now da bombshell dat dropped on me last week...

Ma guy friends luk at me like a guy(not a tomboy) a guy!!!!According 2 em i'm a guy stuck in ma body...of all da impossible things they cud tell me they temme this.I was flabbergasted appalled shocked n shut into silence.I didn't kno what 2 say...for da next few days i kinda was in ma shell i dunno iff many noticed cos i like 2 stay happy n chirpy in coll...hell everybody has sum shit or da oder no pt in me addin 2 it....but tht yet goes round in ma head n i don't believe maself but hav tild a few chick frnds 2 actually lemme kno when i'm actin like a guy(thankfully till now they haven't noticed a single thing)....tht got me wonderin wt do they mean like a guy... is it cos i don't hesitate to talk about subjects which r considered a taboo 4 girls or cos i abuse openly(well only certain ones) or cos i don't waste 2 much time on frills and m not fussy about things cept food or cause i laugh openely at da double meaning jokes n catch onto em...i wondered n wondered for hours n decided ma frnd shud really get it frm me for sayin this shit but yet when he calls i don show a thing...m wonderin da day i will wt its gonna be like...in fact its a mystery 2 me f he's blind or sumthin..i agree m not da gurly girl but hell a guy...????@#$#@$

Went to da versova beach...tht place is so beautiful...da sea always is...but da fun of goin there wid frnds is completely different m thinkin will go there alone 1 day that is after i rememba ma way bac(hehehe) but there is this chasm in me which i try 2 fill in every possible way but i kno that it's not possible cos that chasm is loneliness...alone in a crowd...a hundred things 2 do yet feelin inactive...surrounded by friends n havin fun goin out yet dat feelin of missin sumthin vital...well maybe it's cos i miss a special sum1...

Someone

You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can weep
When you love someone

Feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see that one

[Chorus:]
Let me be yours
Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone
Someone to hold you when you're weak
Someone to make you feel complete
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone

Don't you know I will go
If you show that I can break through

It feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see you're the one

[Chorus][x2]

And I hold you tight
Still on my mind
I can't stand to live without you
And I can't forget you
where ever you are
Still on my mind

[Chorus][x3]

Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everday and night
I wish I was your someone Someone lyrics

You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can weep
When you love someone

Feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see that one

[Chorus:]
Let me be yours
Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone
Someone to hold you when you're weak
Someone to make you feel complete
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone

Don't you know I will go
If you show that I can break through

It feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see you're the one

[Chorus][x2]

And I hold you tight
Still on my mind
I can't stand to live without you
And I can't forget you
where ever you are
Still on my mind

[Chorus][x3]

Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everday and night
I wish I was your someone

This is a song by DHT and one o ma current favourites.

Wonder when sum1 will sing this song 4 me...cos it seems like there isn't ne1 there if there is why doesn't he cum n say so...

My wait continues
In all ma loneliness
In all da guyishness
In all da girliness
In all those chirpings n crazy talks
In all da doubts within
In all that is me
When u'll join me on da beach
To see the sun set
To hold ma hand as another day of life is passed