Belonging...

Why is it that when u are supposed to leave something to rest do you see urself agitated about it??? When happiness is there but there is this underlying current of helplessness...when u kno that u have found a treasure but instead of cherishing it mourn at the loss of not finding that one gem ....where the unexpected happens in the most ironic ways...denial seems like its just an instrument of aggravation...u wonder so what is it that i shud think about? Myself, an unfulfilled dream, the purpose, the world, issues, humanity, love, friendship, bonds, truth, politics, beauty, flattery, images, careers, books, writing , reading, dancing, painting, nature? Huh seems a lot of things that need to be thought over...a confusion or just hormones acting up....a search which is inhibited by demons of my own ...the trembling hands as i see that restlessness surface where i fear i may no more be able to contain myself...the fears that what i have no will over may lead me to a disconnect...besides 3.7 gpa n i was jumping cos i had surpassed my target of 3.6 but the moment only lasted till mom was like good but what’s ur rank...u stagnated u went down im not happy...well 3.4 to 3.7 didn’t matter anymore...cos it never is enough...i mean atleast she cud have been happy but no...rank....aargh was like irritated...after days willed for tears to come...it all seemed hard...i mean why constant beration despite putting in efforts??? Holidays suck 4 da simple reason there’s not once dat sumin was appreciated...all dat is said is u don’t know the rest....so what if u did it...u can do better...constant criticizing leads to me becoming oblivious to them but it hurts yet....imagine home a place where u are supposed to get solace turns into da last place u want to be...cos it doesn’t seem like home anymore....a place where i live tht’s it...shouts and fights on entire day...no space whatsoever...accusation of being selfish....all just accumulates inside...as it gnaws on ma being while i don’t know ma life’s reason...amigos with the raindrops fallin on ma face...maybe they are the only tears that manage 2 roll down ma cheeks...