.......Lost

I shared the deepest thoughts,

The things that hurt the most,

That mattered the most.

You were my rock-

The one who would'nt weather

On whom i could rest when tired.

I held you up when you needed me

I sang to you to allay your fears

Gave you my hand without a question

Fought with my love just for you

Cried along silent as ever

Cause I couldn't see the tears in your heart

Thanks a lot,my friend

You taught me to understand

That I wasn't 'worth' you.

Our friendship was just a mistake

Not something beyond the usual song

Thanks for letting me know

I was wrong.

i dunno wt 2 name it but it sure did teach me a thing or two bout frndship.

Neways 4get frndship.I don think many ppl know da meaning of this word ....as far as this bond is concerned i don think i'll eva be able 2 hav it again...der r a few ppl who come close 2 it ...with whom i feel like i'm on a holiday....but neva da feeling of being at home.

I guess i've lost the capacity 2 eva allow nebody 2 enter tht part of ma heart.It really hurts when i c maself so detached frm everythin....i care bout a lotta ppl but inth end it all jus dies down 2 this emptiness...where i feel as though there is tht sumthin missin in all those words in all the times spent 4 sum1...i feel happy 4 carin...but it jus seems like da world's gone 4 a hike.

i'm searchin in this crowd 4 tht spl person wid whom i feel at home..Don get me wrong it's jus a frnd i'm lukin 4....but when u can't even trust ppl wid da most basic things frndship is miles away...m surrounded by another 126 ppl in ma coll....but when i ask maself so who's ur frnd here sweety...all i get is dis question bac...i kno i may hav offended a few ppl when i say this...

But i guess either it'll take time else i've become phobic 2 da word frnd itself

They say ppl come n go but leave their footprints behind....n many a times scars so deep that u wonder if u were capable of hurtin so much.

Add 2 tht i c not ony me but all of us frustrated wid life...lukin 4 answers...so den y do we still go searchin elsewhere when all we need 2 do is start lukin around us n bein da person we want oders 2 be.....

I dunno guess life as usual decides 2 be the bitch n spreads its bitchiness aound like da plague...it is always so...

everywhere i c ppl i kno or care 4 r hurtin...includin me...this constant ache seems 2 be takin da spirit out of me...tht's y i push maself 2 do everythin with more spirit cos m scared of losin ma head,heart n spirit all of it 2 dis...

Y me is a question i keep on askin maself...but i c sum1 who seems 2 say a lotta things da way i would've wanted 2...infact in a betta way...n i wonder maybe its not ony me who sees things dat way...maybe bein good at heart isn't enuf.......u gotta b perfect else its not enuf...der r times i long 4 da silence 2 cum n engulf me in itself n take me away frm everythin(lemme tell u have bin cravin 4 u since ages now)

i'm wonderin where's my time gone.......where i cud jus go 2 da sea n think n dream n dream.

yesterday was listenin 2 unfaithful n dunno y but felt as though i jus connected 2 dat song...guess i cud be da 1 who's bin murdered but when she sang i don wanna be a murder felt like i'd done sumthin wrong...i wonder if it is ma subconcious tellin me sumthin or else da song is so amazin tht it makes you feel every single note wid it..

Din wanna go bac home yesterday...jus wanted 2 stay out oblivious 2 everythin..listenin 2 slow songs n drivin around(let sum1 else do da drivin)...jus wanting 2 feel da movment...its like there's dis sumthin waitin 2 explode inside me cos i try everythin but it jus doesn't go away..am scared da day it will, it will be real bad...

Feel like jus dropping off into this world of ma own...where i hav everythin i've dreamt of......includin you who will come some day n take me away(dis time its more than a frnd)...far far away into a world of our own....

But don't come now cos even if u do ma heart's not ready for u...its still not ready...gr8 now i don even kno if i want u 2 come along....u c when da hands curl around themslves lukin for those fingers 2 fit in...when da heart waits 2 skip a beat...when u feel da emptiness pressin around u...for those glances 2 b exchanged...u wait 4 jus a single glimpse...but i kno tht its not possible even though its pressin on ma mind all da time...i kno this loneliness is here 2 stay thru alll fault of mine...ma heart weeps in silence..

k i'v gone confused again cos i kno i don want da mess of a relationship rite now but yet that longing jus doesnt seem 2 go away...maybe its time i do a REALITY CHECK...

Did one n say it got me wantin you more but yet runnin away frm even the thought of seei u newhere close 2 me...

So ppl dis ones for all those who say dat frndship n luv ......da most beautiful things hav vanished out of their lives...

Love is........in 2005 v/s 2007!!!

Falling in love is....
opening your heart n soul n leaving it bare for your beloved.They have da power 2 make it dance with joy or 2 make you cry out in pain by one word,one gesture of theirs.It is when u go thru all the heartaches they give you..or u get bcos u din reach up 2 da expectations,da heartaches u feel because u hurt them n yet you will go thru it 4 those few precious moments of happiness with them.It is when u start thinkin bout "US" n not "Me".When da first person who comes 2 ur mind in happiness or sadness is them.When u want 2 jus run into their arms when u feel unprotected.It is when ur heart lets u cry 4 them b'cos of them o r with them.When u realise the power of sum1 ova ur heart.Its when u stay there even when u hurt urslf 2 prevent them frm gettin hurt.Its beautiful n divine...sumthin which leaves a mark on ur soul.sumthin tht can neva b erased.Its when u want 2 go tht extra mile jus 2 see them happy.its when u hope even though u kno tht wt ur hopin 4 may happen or will never happen.It makes u feel foolish at times,spl at times....it makes u want 2 become a betta person so da 1 u love loves u more.It makes u learn 2 feel.When u can name ur tears to them n love them on inspite of gettin hurt.Love is sumthin i understand n yet i dont.........

this was in 2005

Falling in love is....
simply falling(read also as failing).its a mistake cos love=pain+sacrifice.it means "Us" instead of "ME".i kno same thin but interpretation is diff.it is givin da power 2 sum1 2 rule ur life conciously or subconciously.......it is stupid cos when u kno tht it was all a mockery it only leaves 1 thin behind........imprints on ur soul....wounds on ur heart......it can't be erased n leaves u feelin foolish.it means hurt wid them n after they'r gone.it means bringin in more solitude than u already hav......it means needing sum1.......maybe it means i still can't figure this goddamn thing called luv......cos its stupid its a mistake its dumb......but yet i believe its da most beautiful thing..........i guess it is cos da heart is capable of takin in a hundred thousand pains 4 those few moments of joy......which ultimately lodge themselves in ur brain(they're connected u c) n sneak up on u at da best(ya sure) possible times........n make u hate this luv n luv this luv n there i go again.......guess da libran in me will neva lay at rest until its balanced!

this is in 2007.


so u c basically fallin in luv (in ma trademark way) is a correct mistake.....at da moment i go wid mistake......but it teaches u a lot includin da fact tat it is a mistake.lolz now i'm blabbering...


but yeah 1 thing's 4 sure dis love always brings out those precious things called tears.
which roll silently down ur cheeks n let da hurt go.....but da worst is when they stay in ur heart reach upto ur eyes but refuse 2 flow out n act stubborn cos its left u so numb tat even tears cannot express da hurt........it brings sumthin worse than silent tears.....it brings da tears of da heart....

ping pong.......da way ma feelings go!!!!!!!!

Well.........being a student is really daunting!!!!!When u do get serious ppl cum n say make odrs serious then talk n when u don't dey say u disturb oders.........wtf r u supposed 2 do.its likei'm big so im rite n ur da student so ur wrong.U gather da guts 2 go n talk n ur told go improve ur class 4 god's sake ppl i f i could do tht i would hav bin where they r not sittin on a bench in class.ssly these ppl gotta decide.further they say y u goin so slown wen u go fast dey say slow down oders r der 2.well "RESPECTABLE BEHAVIOUR" as so said i guess is also expected frm our teachers.so if we say we're bein prejudiced we're told no ur wrong.so wats da moral of da story...........don go complain come up wid ingenious wasy 2 prove ur point.........here's 1 stare at da teacher until she starts squirming.......n she cant even tell u nethin!!!!wat say!

I believe in da power o words..........but dis time lemme try "silence is golden......... but a stare is platinum" so wish me luk!!!!!!

N movin on being a kid is even more daunting!!!!!1
when ur own mom decides 2 turn ur life upside down well where do u go..........ans nowhere.i kno ur wonderin wt m i talkin of...

1)U neva help around da house.........tat said despite havin 2 full time helps n a cook......wats da pt of havin them if i gotta work.n wen u do help wen dey r not around.add 2 tat u r outta da house practically da whole day.....don think much in coll ony.u cum home exhausted n wt does mamma dearest say........y din u serve da guests(family frnds who we go on holidays wid)....wen both ma helps were free.

2)Cribbin n complainin bout u 2 family frnds........wt do they do go n complain bout u to family frnds in front o u.......humiliating but if u ans bac u behaved inaapropriately.......see wt i mean wen i say "i'm big so i'm rite"

3)Learn 2 sit properly in da house........well am i livin in an observatory or ma damn house......sry mom but i ain't hangin da way i sit at home.......tats supposed 2 b home not jail!!

4)Last of all.........n most frustratin
U've grown big so u should behave like a proper girl........da ideal bhartiya nari types!!!(uff basically a bore)
shouldnt talk on da phone long........serve da guets sit lyk a lady........y do u talk 2 guys.......mom u 4got u r raisin a hybrid kinda kid who's girly n tomboyish in her ways.

so cut me sum slack n da Big Bang
we're gonna start huntin guys 4 u frm next yr ur gonna be married asap..................HELP!!!
this is called serious society dementia!
i mean i'm not even a grad.....am a kid.
add 2 dat a complete messed up n confused kid who's yet tryin 2 figure herself out.......u expect me 2 decide who i'm gonna spend da rest o ma life wid now........atleast lemme figure maself out...
n ya i wanna live b4 i fall into marriage........wid all due respect it seriously is a chauvinistic society here n marriage means u need bloddy permission 2 pee also frm da guy......unless ofcourse ur da saas bahu types who plays petty games or real good at usin ur....
n da smartest thing(sarcastic) u can study after marriage......all bullshit crap n even if i can where's da fun???coll means chillin doin tp talkin 2 frnds goin out havin a ball..........n ya studin also(hehehe)
isn't all dat responsibility enuf tat u wanna hav a marriage.
i mean 24 or 25 is understood but 21!!!!!!!God gujju guys so suck!!!(ssly sux)


n ya ma mom's 4eva complain y do u hav ony guy frnds..........cos i connect betta wid dem is der any problem.......n ya she fuc,kin sends me 2 coll far away n cribs if i gotta stay bac till 8.......ssly wats gotteninto her neways g2g will be bac l8r!!!

finally starting.....

hey.......i finally got down to blogging........but i dunno where to start from there are like a hundred things 2 say.............

neways i got up 2 day as usual in a mixed mood i know u'll be like how can that be but yeah thats me.......mixed up.............am at da moment jus confused as to what da fuck am i doin wid ma life......wastin time thinkin bout S1...........but am tryin 2 keep da promise i kept to one o ma frnds lets call him S3 n am kinda successful.....n coll is jus sad cos there's as usual politics n shit not like i din expect it but yeah it still kinda sux...n da day is jus started so nuthin much on da day but m kinda bugged cos am feelin alil aimless dunno wht 2 write but i guess wanna share dis poem

Lonely As I Am

Lonely as I am,

Tired as I am,

None could ever be.



Probably am I destined,

To this void inside me,

This emptiness is now my only hope,

The only thing that I ever will trust.



Now I know fortunate or not

This is all I, that is mine

None other than this can ever be.



Lord, how cruel could you be,

To have dared to fill this void

With light so bright, and

Underneath lay hidden the fires might,

How cruel could you be,

To steal the only mine.



Thus I say, protect what is yours

Because cruel as he is,

Like a mirage,Will vanish it away.

Thus I say……

Thus I say……





its somethin i wrote ages ago but sumthin that i believe is true.............i cant really write more write now got to go but am workin with da attitude tht each day is new with sumthin new up its sleeve.......so lemme c wts 2day got 4 me...........